Ghosts

I really don't want to be rude or immature. But let me just put this one out here: why do people from the past have to come and bring up past problems for no apparent reason? It is really hurtful. Just let it go already!!! I didn't do anything. You were a pain beyond all comprehension. And now you are getting mad at me about it?! Just leave me alone. I don't want you haunting me for life.

I'm Sick and Tired

Very literally in fact. I have a horrible cold, and never seem to get enough sleep. 8 hours 3 nights in a row didn't do anything for me, and now that I am sick, it takes me way too long to do my homework, and so I sleep even less.
All year, I have worked hard at staying healthy. Lots of girls caught something last semester, and I avoided it. But then February came. I always get sick in February. I was a fool for thinking I could avoid it. Despite fighting it, and trying to convince myself and others I am fine, I really can't claim that.
Can I just have a day off from life? Take all my tests and do my assignments in a couple of days? Please? That's the problem with being sick at college: the professors have so many students that there isn't much they will do for one student who gets sick. It really sucks, but I guess I'll just keep working.

Valentine's Day

Ok, great, you want to be sweet and romantic. I totally understand. I like that sort of stuff. I love flowers. I love getting dressed up fancy for a dance. I love being with someone I like (but I have never done that on Valentines day, it is always several someones, which is good too).
BUT... This just gets a little silly. Thanks, but I don't know why we still hand out valentines like 4th graders. I like homemade ones better. You thought about me, and didn't pay anything into the insane commercial side of the holiday.
And everyone hands out chocolate. I love chocolate, but I am trying to be healthy, lose weight and look good. Chocolate doesn't do much for that. Sadly, I have to admit that I did buy candy to share with my friends. But I am keeping it in my room so they can have as much or as little as they want. Come on, this is one day that makes me at least very self-conscious of my looks. All these adorable couples are walking around, and I am all by myself. Apparently I need to do something. Guys just don't ask girls like me out. I don't know why, they just don't. So then I eat chocolate and feel worse. That doesn't make sense. Anyone want to come eat a bunch of Hershey Kisses? I don't want them. Give me flowers any day.
And then there is just the, I don't know... expectation, that Valentines brings. What if you like someone, but that doesn't matter because it just won't work? We feel Single Awareness Day worse than anyone. Or you just don't have a crush so you just don't care? Everyone keeps bringing it up and I am sure at least some of them think "why?!" I mean, come on!!
And finally, for those who have a Valentine, don't you agree that the huge commercial emphasis on the day makes it harder to enjoy? Who needs expensive gifts? Can't you just go to some free activity, just the two of you? If I were in that situation, I would be happy with dinner at the Cannon, the housing dance (for free) and an evening watching a movie. Maybe just us, maybe with some friends. So, if you have dining plan, that adds up to $0.
So why do we all need to spend a bunch of money? To shove the holiday in everyone's face so that some big companies can make money.
OK, I have now joined all the other bloggers who are probably posting about the same thing online today. So that was totally pointless. I just didn't want to put this on FB, cuz I don't want to offend all the adorable couples at BYU. Especially the lobby couples. They're cute; like puppies; and other small animals. :D

As Time Goes On

There are turning points in life. Sometimes you see them coming, other times you realize it when they arrive, and other times it is not until after the fact that you know the significance of an experience.
Graduation was one. I saw that coming. I had no idea what it would lead to, but I knew that life would change. The next week, I began my first job (making bank, I might add) and truly left high school behind.
Moving to college was another turning point I anticipated. Throughout my life, I have been a home-body. Quite out of character, therefore, was my excitement. I was excited to have more freedom, a roommate, a new life.
Roommate, yeah... I didn't see that one coming. It was quite an experience, but that is all that needs saying. I knew, right in the middle of it all, that this would affect my life deeply.
Then there are things I look back at, and realize the huge impact they have had. The most trivial is Harry Potter. With my family, I am a huge fan. I love speculation, and being part of that experience was spectacular. It has shaped my interests and thought processes deeply. I still love speculation, but now I put that passion to deeper, and somewhat more applicable uses (doomsday tapes anyone?).
Then there are all the other turning points I am too lazy to list. Some hurt really bad. Others are really fun. Whatever it is, a turning point makes a change in not only my life, but in my personality. Just like everyone I meet shapes me, everything I go through changes me. I am grateful for everyone of these changes. No matter how hard it was, it made me learn something. I am a better me because of every turning point in my life.

Missionaries Rock!!!

I was so surprised and pleased to see Graham today! He is going into the MTC in a few hours. I was just in the Wilk, and said hi to Jasper and Sean. They were both like "Hey Clarissa. Look, it's Graham!" At first I was a bit confused, and then I turned around. He looked so sharp and ready to go, in his suit and tie. It was amazing to see my home teacher preparing to go serve. He will be amazing.
This was a real blessing to see him. I have been having a really rough week, and it was inspiring to see him. His parents were with him, and he is ready to go. Two years in Paraguey (I think that's right)! Just thinking of missionaries makes me happy, but seeing a friend leaving is even better. Thanks to all you guys who are going out to serve. You rule!!

Third Tries a Charm

I tried to write this 3 times now. I can't do it right. Ben already made 2 posts. So I can do it too. I want to write something, but not on facebook where people I don't know read it all the time.
Ben and I broke up. He was acting weird all day, and then he brought it up. It's for the very best reason: his mission. He does need to get ready, but this is still so hard. I don't like sticking my emotions online, so that is all I'll say. I just thought I should record it. I did write in my journal for like 1/2 hour earlier today. Don't know where to go from here... I never had a boyfriend, so I have never broken up before. Plus, I never saw my friends break up. So this is all new. Huh...