Courage out of Misery

All life experiences change and shape the character of those involved. Some affect them very little, being merely routine happenings. It is rare that a trip to the grocery store alters the philosophical views of an old man. Other events can radically change those they happen to. Liberty Jail did this to Joseph Smith. He considered it the worst possible experience of his life. Trapped in a small room for months, with no sight of the end, and little word from those outside, he was cut off from everything he cared for.

The pain and misery of the experience was never forgotten, and its memory stayed with him for life. But he also grew in that time, and changed. No longer was he the young leader of a church, a voice of God, but lacking the ability to articulate his own thoughts. When he emerged, he was a powerhouse of conviction, clarity, and even charisma. He still may not have been the strongest speaker, but his talks touched the souls of many. He was able to express his personal views and direction for the church. Before Liberty, Joseph relayed God’s messages. Now he understood the end goal himself, and was able to act freely to guide his followers in the right direction.

How could Joseph come out of such a dark and miserable experience with such an increase in power and conviction? There is probably no one answer. Some reasons may weigh more heavily than others, but having not been born until well over 100 years after the fact, I will not try to choose one reason as a main reason. However, I do believe that two key elements guided the change, and many other specifics can be included in these categories.

First is Joseph’s new relationship with God. During his time incarcerated, Joseph lost almost all hope. His well-know opening to a prayer is recorded in D&C 121: “Oh God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?” In complete despair he turned to a God he could no longer feel in his life. Although he had not been abandoned, he felt so alone and cast out that it was as if he were. God answers His prophet’s soul-deep plea with personal comfort: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment.” Even as Joseph was beginning to lose hope, his Father was there, and looking after him. With this assurance, in even the darkest moments, Joseph was able to develop a new sense of assurance in his God’s protection.

Secondly, Joseph spent much of his time pondering. With not much else to do, he was able to think about all that had happened to him since the first vision. Being in the moment, it is often hard to see the bigger picture. Liberty Jail took him out of the time line, as it were, for five months. In close communion with God, Joseph was able to spend this time reviewing all the commands he had received, and the reasons behind them. By this point, a more unified end goal began to come clear. Joseph was able to see several yards down the path, rather than relying on God to tell him where to place his foot as each new step came about. Once he was released from Liberty, Joseph kept this greater perspective. He was confident in where he was to go next, and where the church should be right at the moment. This allowed him to step up on his own, and speak to his followers. He could confidently preach without worrying that he was out of line of the plan.  Along with the assurance that God would look after him and not allow him to blindly stumble and fail, Joseph began again with a new confidence in his cause, and in the steps he was taking to seek it’s goal.

Life after Death

A little over a year ago, my paternal grandpa died. He followed his wife, who had gone home less than two years previously. Their oldest, and only biological, child, Sydney, only has a single date on her headstone. I was here in Utah when my grandpa passed away, and watched as he neared that time. For me, it changed my perspective on life and death. Rather than viewing death as the end, I now realize that it's just as much a beginning. He is now home with his beloved wife and their long-missed daughter. Here on earth, we wish they were still with us, but where they are they are free from the ills that affected them in life.

Section 137 teaches me more about where my family is now. My grandparents, life-long and dedicated members of the church, are safe in the spirit world, waiting the resurrection when they will regain their bodies. Sydney is waiting with them. She never reached her first birthday, let alone her eighth. Despite this, God knows her heart, and has brought her home to be with Him. I will someday meet the aunt that I don't even have stories about.

The judgment system is fairly basic to a member of the church, but section 137 not only answers, but also raises questions. I wonder if Sydney is a little girl, or a grown woman. I wonder how she felt, finally meeting her mortal parents. Or even more so, how did they feel meeting her? I am satisfied that whatever the answers, my family is safe. Death will someday come to me, and I can be sure that so long as I do my best, I will go home and see them together once again.

Deeper than Ink

History is an interesting thing. It takes many forms. From a small diary, to a grandparent telling a story, to long-dead animals entombed in stone. For me, stories and journals keep the best histories. No matter how much you dig in a long-buried trash pile, you won’t get first-hand knowledge. For the past several years I have kept a daily or almost daily journal. It has been a source of relief when I am tense, an aid to my memory of detail, and a source of inspiration in times of struggle. Someday, I want to be the grandma telling stories, and my journal will help me remember what happened.

However, effective record keeping is contingent upon not losing the record. What would have happened if Nephi had misplaced two or three pages of the plates? What about the history of the early United States? Our knowledge of that time is vital to the identity of our nation. Why would I talk about this sort of a depressing topic? Well, I lost my journal. I wrote in only a few weeks back, and now I can’t find it. I even had to replace it. A year and a half of my record is gone. Memories and details that I thought I would have to treasure forever are now saved only in my mortal mind, a mind full of facts and figures for school that crowd out personal thoughts. Each book in special collections once had that much importance to a living soul. Now they are little more than specimens to be ogled over by interested and disinterested students alike. Once, those books were treasured, and loved. Each page gently turned, each cover carefully cleaned. A book to read and a book to write are keys to a unique form of happiness.

Losing my journal has given me a new perspective on the importance of history. Records of the past are not just records, they are bits of life. A book written by hand has the intrinsic, innate and intimate stamp of the soul of the person who wrote it. A printed book that someone owned was carefully read, softly treasured, and highly valued. The books most loved are the most battered, yet most carefully preserved. Letters are meant to share feelings, thoughts and emotions. This power lasts through the ages in the ink sunk into the paper. No matter the book, it has more than words can convey, and the meaning will last forever.

As I go on in my life, I will continue to treasure the written word, both in the books I read and the histories I write. I hope that I will continue to remember how valued these words on paper are, and how much they will mean to me and others in the future. It is my prayer that more people will come to look past the surface interest and curiosity of books, into the underlying value and personal meaning of each.

Suffering with Joy

A discussion on suffering can take many avenues. You can start with a question: Why do people suffer? Is suffering necessary? You can relate an experience, and focus on what was learned or what was lost. You can talk about reducing suffering or enduring suffering. There are so many perspectives because everyone suffers. But what is suffering? I particularly like the definition of suffering I found online. Suffering (verb without object): to endure… patiently or willingly.

Suffering is an underlying current that reaches every corner of life. At all times, there is a longing that cannot be satisfied, a dream that cannot be reached. Enduring that stream of sorrow and desire without letting it affect daily life constitutes true suffering. Every day of my life, no matter how satisfied I am with the current situation, I want more. Not in a greedy, self-centered way, but in a manner that reflects the plan of God’s whole creation and glory. Progression is the key point. I am progressing toward eternal life. I am working to progress to exaltation. Once I reach exaltation, I will receive of God’s glory and progress to greater glory and light.

I desire progression. Innately and divinely within every human soul is the dream of progression. Each day we live our lives, hoping to make it further, to make it higher. We strive to improve ourselves in any way we can. Why do we do this? It is how we suffer. We must endure this mortal probation. We willingly selected to come to earth, to gain a body that can sustain injury, to experience emotions that can feel deep hurt. Each day, as children of a Divine Father, we endure the aches and pains of mortality, willingly and patiently.

We suffer through this mortal existence, but that is not a depressing or hateful idea. Suffering intrinsically includes enduring. We need only strive to suffer with joy, and we will reach our goal. Each day, when the pain of being far from our eternal home resonates beneath our emotions, we search for ways to be happy, to be joyful, and to be productive. Working toward dreams is a fulfilling activity. When I am making personal progress toward a goal, I am more satisfied with my life and more joyful in my suffering.

As I continue on my journey forward and upward, I will continue to find joy. When I love even the most difficult circumstances, I will know that I have fully understood and accepted the idea of suffering and enduring. Life is hard, and life is long, but it is worth every moment.

D&C 121:7-8 peace be unto thy soul, thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high;